Tuesday, August 30, 2005

What's been on my mind?

I haven't posted much in the past few months. Work and the baby have kept me pretty busy. By the time I get to bed, I'm too drained to try to organize my thoughts into a post, so I'll play a few games of Quinn while Miriam gives Mason II his last feeding for the day. The game helps me unwind, but there are still tons of things rattling around in my head.

I'm always concerned about putting up a "quality post." I don't want to ramble on about a topic of which I know very little. I don't want to just regurgitate something I've heard on NPR. I'd like to share some personal thoughts and feelings, but I really only do that with Miriam, so I lock up when I start to think of writing such things in a public forum.

However, I realize that communication with my friends, family, coworkers and neighbors is an area in my life that could really use some improvement. Not that I consider writing a blog adequate communication, but maybe its a start. Maybe opening up a little here can help me open up with people one on one. So, on that note, what's been on my mind?


I have been thinking a lot about how little I talk to my friends and family.

A few months ago, I told my brother that I would write him a letter a week. Maybe with some value, maybe not, but at least I'd write him something. Well, that lasted a few weeks, and then I didn't write him for over three months. Part of it was getting busy with work and getting ready for the baby. Part of it was a feeling that I didn't have anything to say. And the rest of it was just laziness and procrastination. I want us to be part of each other's lives. I want our kids to know each other, even if its just at opposite ends of a video chat and a yearly visit at Christmas.

I have good friends scattered around the country that I hardly ever talk to. I know that the longer I put off e-mailing or calling, the harder it is to do it later. I end up creating a viscous cycle of feeling like I have nothing to talk about. I know I'm not the only one to blame -- they could call or write as well -- but I have to accept my fair share of the blame.

And then I have friends around me, at work and at church, that I barely talk to. Part of it is a fear of looking like an idiot: I never as well informed on any topic as the people I'm talking to. I try to be funny and entertaining, but that requires a lot of silence while I'm looking for a zinger, and then I just feel like I'm putting on a show. Once I'm in that mode, its hard to break out of it.

Thankfully, I can talk to Miriam about practically everything. She may not understand all the technical details from work, but she catches on quickly. Most of all, she's a great listener. I'm comfortable enough that I never feel like an idiot, or that any topic is too mundane.

Well, I have a busy day of work ahead of me tomorrow, so I'll pick up another topic tomorrow.


  1. Wow, you mean you feel the same way I do? From what I've seen, everyone is like that (ok, almost everyone in my experience are middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and their parents).

    The thing I've been coming to realize lately is that there are people around me who always know more than I do. That's kind of hard for me to swallow.

    Anyway, we don't talk a lot, but I do always enjoy our conversations. Maybe we should have lunch again, no agenda, and just talk like normal people (uncomfortable silences and all).

    You sure don't have to be witty and funny, I try all the time and all I get are groans or dirty looks.


  2. James had to prod me with hot irons to get me to blog at first. I found the entire idea completely intimidating--every other blog I read seemed written by someone incredibly hip and informed, and I know I;m neither. :)